21.2.12

controversial topic: breastfeeding

We've tackled children & nudity, discipline & spanking, and now onto breastfeeding...

Breastfeeding has changed over the years (so the women of our parent's generation assure me). It's gone from a shameful and private practice to an overt and public one, from being seen as gross to beautiful and back again. What has also changed are our options as moms. With technology on our side, we can breastfeed, pump, bottle feed, supplement with formula, or not breastfeed at all, and still end up with a healthy, well-adjusted child. 

In my case, low milk supply demanded that I supplement with formula from the first few weeks onward. With Lily (who was tongue-tied to boot!) I continued breastfeeding until she was 4 months or so. Around that time she started solid food and I became pregnant with Oli. From then on, her diet was 100% formula to drink and solids to eat. With Oli, in addition to low supply there were latching and alertness problems. The second he was on the breast, he'd fall asleep. Common for a newborn, but not for a 5 week old. It wasn't getting better, after all the tricks he just wanted to sleep and breastfeeding is very relaxing. The problem was, he wasn't "dream feeding" he was straight up sleeping. So I started the grueling process of using the breast pump, every 3 hours, 8 times a day. I'd pump milk for him (which would take 30 minutes or so) and then bottle feed him (which would take up to an hour). And repeat. It was no way to live.

As I saw my supply thinning out with both babies, I knew formula was my only choice. I ate the suggested foods and drank the suggested drinks. I tried to feed the kids after a warm shower or even in the bath. I fed them in all positions. At all times of day. It was time to throw in the towel. Enter: deep feelings of guilt and worthlessness. 

What makes breastfeeding so controversial is not the act itself, it's oftentimes when women choose not to, or can't. It's formula that's controversial, even in this day in age when it has well over 90% of the same ingredients of breast milk. While people swear that formula-fed babies end up over-weight and with a poor immune system, neither has been the case with my children.
What made those days of deciding to start supplementing with formula (and eventually use it full time) impossibly difficult were the comments from other women. I didn't feel bad for my children, in fact, they were thriving for the first time. Lily was still under birth weight at 4 weeks old, and jumped to a healthy weight within days of formula-feeding. And Oli started sleeping for longer than 2 hours when he had his first encounter with the glorious supplement. I knew they were not only fine but excellent. The guilt comes from outside.

From comments like:

"Keep trying, every woman can breastfeed!"

"You have breasts, you were designed to feed your children this way"

"Oh you're having supply issues? Everyone thinks they are, keep moving forward."

"Try ______ (enter method I've tried already here), then you'll have no problem!"

"You've decided to use formula instead? That's too bad, but at least you tried"

"It was hard for me at first too, but I didn't give up, and now I can breastfeed. So keep at it"

In my experience, women who don't breastfeed are looked down upon. I understand in other times and cultures, it's the total opposite. And that's an absolute shame as well. I'm not writing this to say I'm pro-breastfeeding or pro-formula feeding. I'm writing to say I'm pro-mom. I firmly believe that a family should decide which route is best for them and outsiders should only offer advice if asked, or at the very least, very sensitively. After all, low supply is not the only case where a woman may need to back away from breastfeeding. There are many cases where formula may be a better (or only) choice for parents:
  • single dads
  • adoptive parents 
  • moms of multiples
  • breast cancer survivors
  • moms with complications from childbirth
  • moms with severe postpartum depression 
  • moms who become pregnant again quickly  
  • moms who have to go back to work quickly
  • moms who have had breast augmentation surgery 
My point is, the list is exhaustive. The decision is personal and private. But the judgments, advice and comments (often negative) seem free-flowing.

Which begs the questions: 
Have you had a negative experience with choosing to breastfeed or choosing not to? 
Do you support breastfeeding to the determent of supporting the mother who can't? 
Are you excited to breastfeed (It can be wonderful!)? 
What are your thoughts on breastfeeding in public?
What was your experience with breastfeeding?

I would love to hear from all of your undoubtedly unique experiences! Also sincerely hope my terrible experience(s) are unique. Let's go feed and nurture our babies, however we are able to do so best.
xoxo

ps~
This article on the Sacrificial Mother has been an encouragement to me.
I also love this idea at reversing the stigma formula has.
I can absolutely relate to this article on people's unwanted comments!

32 comments:

  1. Really great thoughts! I was definitely shy to nurse in public but if we have another I'm just going to do it and be fine with it :) It's such a drag hiding out in the bathroom or putting a hot blanket over -- the blanket usually gets yanked off anyway. I love how you put that you are pro-mom!! That is such a great way to be! Every mom and baby is different and as we go through life we all keep on learning and changing and finding out what works for us and our children -- it's a good way to be.

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    1. thanks for your comment Kimberly! Nursing in public can be so tough. I'm all for feeding your child exactly when they need it (unless they're like 7 years old and need just learn patience or something). But for babies - absolutely. I had a hard time balancing that belief and my desire to be modest. I didn't want the world to see my breasts or my baby to go hungry. Found those "Hooter Hiders" very helpful in that case. Have you seen them? here's a link:

      http://www.bebeaulait.com/

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    2. http://www.bebeaulait.com/products/hooter-hiders-nursing-covers

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  2. Hey Emily -- I haven't started breastfeeding yet, but as a pregnant woman I have found that everybody (mothers, nurses, midwives, doctors, magazine articles, even formula advertisements) say that breast is best.

    I personally have decided to breast feed, and am trying to do lots of research now so that if I get into issues I can "troubleshoot". However, I'm also telling myself that if I CAN'T breastfeed (low milk supply or whatever), that I will be OK with that. I'm currently reading an LLL book, and it is very, very pro-breast..I have trouble with some of the things they say, but find there are valuable tips too!

    As for public breastfeeding, I'm like you, I really want to be modest and although breastfeeding is natural and beautiful and maternal, I think if I have somewhere private to go, I'll do it (like at a friends house -- I'll ask to go upstairs to a private room if men are around, or at the mall I'll go to the nursing rooms in the bathroom).

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    1. It technically is best, but that slogan can be very hurtful for those who can't breastfeed.

      Also, I am so glad you're researching up a storm now. Though the LLL was so dogmatic when I was troubleshooting that I found them more hurtful than helpful. I spoke with a consultant on the phone and she was very rude and harsh with me. She couldn't conceive that a woman couldn't breastfeed, whereas doctors and nurses agreed that my babies weren't getting enough milk from my breasts alone.

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    2. Also on the topic of "best", there are more factors that come into play when deciding how to use that word.

      some moms go to such great lengths to provide breast milk for their child (because it's "best") that they become literally exhausted and can't care for their other children. or they refuse to use formula as a supplement when experiencing low supply and the child ends up under weight, even malnourished.

      thats what I mean about hating the slogan "breast is best". it's far too black and white for such a multi-faceted issue.

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    3. Hey Emily, sorry I don`t think I finished my thought in my first post..what I meant was that I totally understand the pressure women feel because you hear `breast is best` all over the place. For this reason, I can totally understand how women feel pressured to breast feed, and like `failures` when it doesn`t happen. I already feel that pressure and my baby isn`t born yet! This is why I keep telling myself that it`s okay if I can`t, because I feel like that slogan `breast is best` just causes feelings of failure or hurt when it doesn`t work out.

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    4. I know the feeling of dogmatic advice Emily - I found Jack Newman's book to be dogmatic and discouraging at times... I kept hearing "get a better latch!" and there was no room for other troubleshooting. When I found out I had Candida and Lilian had thrush, I wanted to scream!

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  3. Hi Emily,
    I’m sooo glad that you posted this topic!!

    I am currently breastfeeding Addison, who is 8 months now, but I have supplemented with formula since day one. Since she was born 6 weeks premature, my body wasn’t ready to breastfeed and she didn’t have the energy to breastfeed, so she was fed through a tube in the nose for the first 1.5 weeks.

    While Addy was in the hospital, I continued to pump, as instructed by the nurses and the lactation consultant. Eventually my milk came in, but it took weeks! Unfortunately, even when my milk came in, Addison still didn’t have the energy to breastfeed for all 8 feedings of the day. So, I made the decision to supplement some feedings with bottles that were half-milk and half-formula.

    Well… the lactation consultant was horrified and she told me that my choice was “wrong” and that Addison would get “lazy” and choose not to breastfeed. I was shocked that she was so opinionated and that she was making me feel bad about my choice to supplement with formula. I had no clue that formula was such a controversial topic until that moment.

    I ended up standing up to the lactation consultant and (in the nicest way possible) told her to mind her own business. I knew that I was choosing the right thing for my daughter and for me too. But, the damage was already done – I started to feel ashamed by my choice to formula feed.

    So, the story continues… since the episode at the hospital, I have been so nervous to tell people that I supplement with formula. When I have told people, some have been supportive, but I have experienced a lot of judgement too.

    This is a bit of a confession, but I have spent months trying to hide the fact that I’m feeding Addison formula, just to spare the judgement and to avoid justifying my choice. However, in reality, is it anyone’s business?

    I intend on weaning Addison by nine months (another controversial choice), and I am now coming to terms with the fact that I need to do what’s best for me too.

    I think that motherhood can make people feel so guilty, so I am making a committment NOT TO JUDGE ANYONE for the choices that they make. All kids are different… all parents are different… all situations are different… and I wish that people wouldn’t be so judgemental.

    Thanks for broaching such a controversial topic.

    Melanie

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    1. Mel, sounds like we had the same experience with lactation consultants. My friend Pam who is breastfeeding and loves it had a wonderful experience with her LC, and that's wonderful, but I know more than enough women who didn't have that. It's a real shame. People can be so harsh!

      So sorry that you found yourself ashamed and hiding. I can absolutely relate. It's funny too how it's women that are so hard on other women. My friend Sarah always says "us Moms need to stick together! Why are we the hardest on one another!?"

      Thanks for your comment. Hope you and Addy are doing great :)

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  4. Hey Emily. I don't know what it's like to have low supply but I definitely know what it's like to have challenges with breastfeeding. I have the opposite issue and believe me - the grass is certainly not greener over here. It was bad with Silas but it's 10 X worse with Toby. I remember thinking 3 months in with Silas 'should I even bother with this?? how am I going to breastfeed for a year??' and was surprised I made it to then. THese days I wonder if I'll be able to hack it with Toby for a year... I have such an overabundance of milk that I am constantly dealing with engorgement which is pure. torture. Toby just doesn't keep up and it takes me weeks to adjust to how much he's eating. I spend most mornings until about 2 pm feeling overfull, miserable, swollen and awful. I have to wake him in the night to feed him- even though I want him to learn to sleep through the night I CANNOT because I am in such agony. I try to get Toby to feed in the morning but he's just distracted, not hungry and it's agonizing and frustrating. I am glad I am able to feed him but engorgement has led to issues like a blister on the end of my nipple which is awful, leaking through shirts in public and having no extras, having to breastfeed in private while lying down or else I"m spraying everywhere, and poor latch leading to sore, sore nipples. Okay. So there's the negative. Oh and Toby won't take a bottle so pumping is out. AND pumping just makes it worse- increasing my supply. All this to say that I have had a difficult journey with breastfeeding too. SO although I don't know what it's like to have low supply I DO relate to feelings of remorse or guilt only for me it's related to having c-sections. I wanted desperately to have my babies 'au naturel' and when you can't even though you try, the comments people make including moms make it really really challenging. Of course they're not trying to be mean but my internal insecurity about not being able to have a baby vaginally pops up and makes me feel awful even though I KNOW I tried everything and anything to have my babes naturally. It's crazy how the enemys' voice can drown us out with words of insecurity and self-doubt. I'm still working through this even though I endured an awful 27 hour labor and started to go 'backwards' in labor. I hope one day I'll be free from this self condemnation. I'm with you though: pro-motherhood. I want to be really careful what I say to other moms and rather than offer suggestions all the time- offer words of encouragement telling them that they should trust themselves and that they really are doing a good job no matter what they choose. Thanks for your honesty!

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    1. Shanny, I've totally heard c-section mamas relate to what you're saying.
      Motherhood is a hard journey and we need to support each other.
      Was going to ask if you had any success with pumping, but it's true, it would only increase your supply, even if you just "pumped-and-dumped" to lessen the engorgement.
      I had engorgement at the beginning and it is indeed painful. if you're ever interested in how I handled the pain of that, feel free to ask. Though I'm sure you've already exhausted all the options out there.
      You're a trooper, friend!

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  5. Hey Emily :)
    I appreciate your post. Your experience with Oli sounds very similar to mine with Noëlle. Since she came out she absolutely refused to latch. She'd either fall asleep, scream or gag at the breast... which led to slow weight gain -even weight loss. It was hard. I ended up pumping and bottle feeding (with formula supplements) till she was 5 mo (and even then she'd take up to an hour to finish a bottle!). Then I came to a point where I couldn't handle all the tasks associated with pumping and so I switched to full formula.

    ANYWAY... I just want to echo your encouragement to have a pro-mom perspective. During the early months, while I was struggling, a lactation consultant said to me, "Laura, you are doing awesome. Just remember that every drop of breast-milk you have given to your baby so far is a precious gift that only you could have given her. Be proud of yourself for that. You just keep trying for as long as you feel you can and then when you need to, give her formula. It's ok!" My eyes brimmed up with tears. I felt like she understood me and I was so encouraged by her. Yes, I tried to breast feed. It didn't turn out how I planned. It was disappointing, but it was ok, I didn't need to feel guilty. I was doing the best thing any mom could do, and that was making sure my baby was thriving regardless of my expectations and my desires. And actually, this whole experience led me to be really thankful to the Lord that I had the means to provide my baby with an alternative to breast-feeding. Not everyone in the world gets that chance. And what happens to those babies? A lot of them don't survive.

    Anyone who tries to imply that you're not trying hard enough or you're doing something wrong when it comes to breast-feeding obviously hasn't had a baby who absolutely refuses to latch or been in circumstances where it's impossible/extremely difficult to bf. They don't know what they're talking about, they are poor listeners and what they say can be disregarded.

    One last thing.... I was worried that not breast-feeding would rob me of the chance to really bond with my baby. But actually, I've had indescribably lovely times with Noey while bottle-feeding that I will always treasure in my heart. My sister in-law captured a really nice photo of me giving Noey a bottle -I'll try posting it to fb.

    Thanks again for your thoughts Em! You're an awesome mom and your kids are lovely.

    Laura

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    1. Thanks for posting Laura. I'm astounded by how many women echo my story and it's really encouraging!
      I agree - I remember reading a story on BBC news shortly after switching Lily to formula about a woman in Haiti who gave birth to a child that was conceived in the temporary camps from a horrific rape attack. My heart broke for her already, but then she went on to explain how breastfeeding this child (that she loves so much despite the terrible way he was conceived) is so hard for her, that she didn't think she had enough milk. And obviously in her situation, forumla wasn't an option.
      It shook me to the core and I was so grateful for formula and for the ability to access it easily.
      We are so lucky to have it as an option today aren't we?

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  6. One of the unique learning experiences associated with growing up as the eldest of 12 kids was getting to see a LOT of boob. My mom breastfed anywhere & anywhere, in the mall, in the church pee, at home, leaning over the carseat while my dad drove, on the toilet, while cooking dinner, you get the picture. Seemed like she was always breastfeeding. Having that kind of role model made me the kind of person who was able to breastfeed anywhere & not be self conscious. When S was a few weeks old, I remember he got hungry while we were shopping at Walmart. I didn't see anywhere to sit down so I just put in my nursing cover & kept walking alongside the cart as Darren shopped.

    Like everyone, my experience certainly had some challenges. I experienced quite a bit of pain at first, lots of blisters (STILL get blisters often & Sebby is 14 months & has a great latch now). I also had the opposite problem to you, Em, oversupply. Even still, my supply tends to increase rapidly if S nurses more. He was sick last week & wasn't interested in solids, just wanted to nurse, my supply went crazy high, was like I had a newborn again!

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    1. haha! I'd bet you experienced a lot of that, seeing 11 kids after you being breastfed. What a great environment to grow up in :)
      Also great that your supply is still going strong at 14 months!

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  7. Thanks for the reminder that just because people have different experiences it is important to affirm people to make choices based on what is most healthy for their families without making them feel guilty or like bad mothers.

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    1. Patricia3.4.18

      Hi Tarren
      you did already write what I also wanted to say! Thank you very much Emily.
      Being a (first time) mother is not always easy anyways and then there are unfortunately so many stigmata out there when you are taking your own personal way. However taking your way is very important because it is your life, you have to make your own experiences and this hands-on. I've never thought that I would have post maternal depressions but it did strike me hard. I'm very happy that my surrounding was and is still very supporting. But as you were writing above for me this was one reason why we changed from breast to formula feeding. Breast feeding was very hard for me and my baby even lost weight so formula was our best option to grow our baby into a healthy toddler. My husband and my mum helped me a lot during this time and my bf gave me the advice to look into https://myorganicformula.com/collections/hipp-organic-formula . We tried the Stage 1 Dutch formula but eventually changed to the German formula. This was a very important step in my early motherhood. Once the pressure of not being able to breast feed was "kind of" taken away I could finally enjoy motherhood. I love my family a lot and I support every one for her decision! It's yours to make!
      Love, Patricia

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  8. I think the biggest danger with motherhood is the things people say and the way we can let it make us feel - often feeling like a failure! I try really hard to be careful with any type of comments related to motherhood things because each experience is different and we don't know the back story of what people go through or try! I actually just weaned Hannah on Sunday and it has been a sad week for me. My goal was a year and a half, she's almost 16 months, but it was time. Even stopping with bottle feeding I bet is similar, just that feeling that your little baby isn't such a little baby anymore. They can eat big food and that's all they need!

    I remember hating the nurses in the hospital being over me watching and telling me how I was doing it wrong (I never got the hang of the football hold which is all the rage here I guess at least!) it is hard learning something like that and each one seemed to have something else important to say! But eventually Hannah got the hang of it and it was great and I know I am blessed to have a good experience and do not take it for granted!

    As for feeding in public I was forced to learn to feed in public within the first month of her life. We had to drive to Ontario and it was much too cold in the middle of winter to feed for almost an hour (which it still took her sometimes at that point) to do it in the car, so fast food restaurants it was and it was okay. With a good cover and trying to act as normal as possible it wasn't as awful as I feared!

    Thanks for the post and raising these issues. You are a great mom and sometimes that means realizing what will help them thrive even if its not what others think is right, you know! Good job on giving them all they ever needed! They are awesome kids!

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    1. That sounds rough, Rach! I did appreciate bottle feeding when we'd take long drives to Ontario because I could just sit in the back and feed Lily in her carseat. Not that that's possible now for Oli since there isn't room for mom in between the two carseats!
      thanks for your encouragement :)

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  9. Yes, this is indeed a controversial topic—one that brings up a lot of emotions for many mothers.

    Sth I wanted to mention—you said formula's made up of 90% of the same ingredients as breastmilk. Actually, it's nowhere near that. See: http://www.drmomma.org/2008/01/human-milk-vs-formula-ingredient-list.html There are so many ingredients in breastmilk & they're still discovering more! When I read the list I immediately thought of what a master chef God is! He created such an amazing food for babies. I mean no offense & I'm not putting down your choice to formula feed. Each mom must what they feel's best for their situation.

    For me, I had a rough start w/ BF. I was given so much conflicting advice from various lactation consultants & nurses. Audrey wasn't latching properly. I had raw open gaping wounds on my nipples—Audrey had literally chewed the side of each nipple open in order for them to fit properly in her mouth (it was as if she had given me surgery to cut me a permanent new shape of nipples!). When exposed to the air or when I showered, the pain of the open wounds was so excruciating I howled in agony—it was almost as painful as childbirth. I kept seeing Dr's, a tiny part of me hoping they would tell me to give up (I was an emotional wreck & didn't know what to do, but really really didn't want to stop BFing) but they all told me it looked fairly normal, they'd seen worse & to keep nursing. All except 1 nurse at the CLSC who examined me w/ pure horror when she saw them—she'd only seen sth like it 1x before. I had to use several kinds of prescription antibac creams, none of which helped. Eventually they healed on their own but it took months. I nursed through it all, beyond determined to make it work.
    Other than the pain, there were other difficulties—Audrey would fall asleep while nursing (totally normal btw) & we'd have to blow raspberries on her tummy so she'd wake long enough to feed. She lost weight in the early weeks (this is also normal). I remember crying in the Dr's office when she'd get weighed—I had baby blues for awhile & was feeling like a failure as a mom. I questioned my supply, wondering if it was low cuz I had breast surgery (tumor) years earlier, but then read this http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/low-supply.html & felt much more at ease & realized my supply wasn't actually low after all. I ate oatmeal religiously every day (still do) to maintain my supply (probably don't still need it but I'm afraid to stop lol). Before long, she mastered nursing (despite a lip tie), gained weight & everything was going smoothly, & still is to this day. She's thriving. I had a milk blister a few months ago when her teeth started coming in, but that's it, no other problems. I hope to nurse her until she self-weans. I LOVE nursing & I'm so glad I never quit. It has paid off immensely for us. Not only is it nutritious for her & her health (only been sick 1x), but it's a way to comfort & calm her, make her feel safe, put her to sleep, bond w/ her & it also helps ease teething pain as it's soothing/contains an analgesic. In addition, nursing makes me feel happy & peaceful as it releases oxytocin. We're attached at the hip—er breast—& I wouldn't have it any other way.

    Plus, bonus, it's super convenient. I'm lazy & don't have the patience for bottles. BM's always available & ready. No prep or bottles to clean. I'm a bit uncomfortable nursing in public & I used to be very modest about it but for awhile now I do it sans cover in public, but I always find a quiet spot or nursing room (mostly cuz she's so distracted around ppl). I have a Bebe-au-lait cover too, but now that she's older (almost 11 mo) she just pulls it off so it's pretty useless now. Was great in the earlier days though, although a bit hot. I got a Pirose nursing scarf to try—so airy & lightweight (haven't tried it yet though).

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    1. I'm glad you're so happy breastfeeding Erin. It seems you went through a lot to make it happen, and seems like a good fit for you!

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    2. also, I don't want it to seem as though I'm saying formula and breast milk are the same substance. I realize they're not. But just wanted to let you know, I had a look at the ingredient list that "dr. momma" posted on her blog that you sited, and it was lacking about 45 ingredients listed on my formula can.

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  10. Wanted to add, I really appreciate Laura's comment about how you can bond just as easily with breastfeeding and bottle feeding!

    I often heard that breastfeeding allows a bond you "just can't get elsewhere" and I deeply resent that. It's not true and it's very hurtful to mothers who don't breastfeed and fathers in general.

    I breastfed both babies as well as bottle feeding, so I can easily compare, and well, there isn't any difference! There's nothing like snuggling up with your baby and knowing you're giving them what they need to be healthy and strong, not to mention doing an act that relaxes and calms them... it's a beautiful thing, and can (thankfully!) be achieved by breast and bottle feeding.

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    1. and something that helped me in the early days of transitioning from breastfeeding Lily to using a bottle was to bottle feed her in the buff! We even were able to do skin-to-skin while I was bottle feeding her. Really beautiful memories for me :)

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    2. I can't relate to your particular issue as I was a proverbial milch cow. I could have fed triplets. But here's one thing I know: as your children grow, (mine are now 21 and 19), there is always, always going to be something that a friend, neighbour, inlaw, teacher, and yes, your own child, will point out that you're doing or not doing the way they would. It isn't about right and wrong, necessarily. I believe it's some feeling of entitlement that pervades our society at every level. Is your family happy and healthy, more or less? Then good on ya! That's all that matters. This is breast feeding. Next it's going to be organic or not, homeschooling vs public or private school. Appropriate dress and manners, drugs, drink, further education, sex, extra curricular activities. It never ends. Truly, it never ends. Do your best, don't over intellectualize, and if you need advice, find someone who shares your values. In the cosmic tally up, what matters is that you were good enough. A type and perfection is unnecessary and way over rated. Enjoy your babies. This time s fleeting.

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  11. Thank you for this post. Here in Germany, breastfeeding is the norm and public breastfeeding totally normal. I am shocked to read North American blogs about this topic. I breastfeed everywhere (restaurants, beach, park bench, on the bus etc) with no covering/blanket/shield, though of course I am reasonably keeping boobs covered - the baby does that anyway. Most bikinis and lingerie ads are far more revealing than me and my baby. I have never received a second look, negative remark etc. If anything, I get smiles.

    I am a very enthusiastic breastfeeder, and I have often wondered what led the few bottle-feeding moms I know to do so (most of them are English or lived in Australia for a considerable portion of time, so it seemed to me that a lot of reasons involve cultural norms and expectations), but I have never asked them about it for fear of being insensitive. I have to confess to having judgemental thoughts when I see a baby being bottle fed, as I have Big Feelings about my own parenting choices and believe in them so thoroughly. (It wasn't always easy for me, I had a hard start with my first baby, it was painful and had various complications but I was absolutely pro-breastfeeding and we persevered, we breastfed til he was 19 months old and I was 5 months pregnant with our second. Second baby, natural birth, she fed well immediately and I also knew what I was doing.) However I know this can't be godly - to be so judgemental. I know that others could (and probably do) judge me for choosing to work part-time, but I know my children are in good hands and we do what we are convicted is right for our family. So I have been wrestling inside with this - how I can be so judgemental of others about my certain "pet" issues, and seeking grace and freedom for them and myself. Thanks for the post.

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  12. Anonymous27.3.16

    Hi Emily,
    Thanks for writing this blog entry and it's really timely as I read it while pumping breastmilk. I'm not a first-time mom but not being able to breastfeed my baby still gnawed at me with feelings of not being "good enough" as a mom or not trying hard enough. Until recently, I've finally made peace with it- not being a able to breastfeed and having to supplement with formula. I agree with many of your points and I wish all moms who feel bad or make others feel bad about (not) breastfeeding should read your post. Let's not judge other moms- as you've said and it's more important to enjoy the baby. Motherhood is NOT equals to breastfeeding.

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