LOVE [languages]

Have you heard of the five love languages? It's a theory turned book turned phenomenon and I think it's essentially bang on. It suggests that there are five major love languages, and each person gives/shows love and receives/feels love in different ways, normally within the five.

They are:  

1. words of affirmation ("you're amazing!")  
2. acts of service ("oh hey, I made you dinner!)  
3. receiving gifts ("a waffle maker, just because!") 
4. quality time ("lets just BE together") 
5. physical touch (back rubs, bear hugs, intimacy, etc).

If you learn enough about what the author means by each gift, I think you'll find that one or two really represents your love language. And consider, not everyone gives love in the same way they receive it! Also, love languages can change over time as we change, our environment changes, our needs change. And I think family upbringing and culture play a bit of a role here too, aside from the unique way God has wired us all.

For me, it's acts of service and especially receiving gifts. Part of that is my upbringing -  my family is big on gifts! Christmas and birthdays and just because days. From the outside you might think "oh that's just a love language for the parents who want to spoil their kids" or "that's just a love language for the wealthy" and to that I say NO WAY JOSE. Growing up, it wasn't about the expense of the gift, or the quantity, it was about giving something to show you love another. It might be a freezie on a hot summer day that dad brought home for me when he was running errands, or a new t-shirt from the clearence rack when I was having a bad day and mom wanted to show me she cared. It doesn't have to be expensive or in a spoiling manner, just a gift, to show you care.

It took Brad some getting used to when we were first married. It was hard for him to not see that as a selfish love language "GIVE ME PRESENTS BABY!", but rather a way I love and feel loved. He now knows I don't mean something expensive or a gift every day, just that it's a way I feel loved and thought of. His on the other hand is words which took ME some serious getting used to. You might be surprised to learn that I'm not into words, like, AT ALL. I'm a blogger, and use words all the time. But guess what? I TYPE THEM. I don't say them :) And my desire to communicate doesn't necessarily translate into my love language, oddly enough. So I had to learn to affirm my husband with words (and I'm still learning!) and in notes.

It made for a tricky first few years of marriage let me tell you. He'd be all "can't you see I'm loving you, look at all these compliments I'm giving you! Look at all this physical touch I'm sending your way!" and I'm like "Why don't you love me!? Why aren't you giving me gifts or serving me instead? Talk is cheap, player!". And I'd be all "I spent days searching for the perfect Christmas gift for you! Why don't you looooooove it?" and he's be all "Stop wasting money and get over here and love me!". Ah, marriage.

Now that we've basically figured each other out, we have the high calling of loving our kids the way God has designed them. It never ends, people! And it's so fun to see each of their unique personalities coming out already, and to see their love languages emerge.

Lily is hands down my quality time girl. Her favourite phrase right now is "mama, sit carpet". She doesn't really care if I play with her, and she's not necessarily asking me to read with her (though she'll happily take each). She just wants me to sit beside her, as she plays. Just to be there. A treat for her is when Brad says "Lily, want to bring a book in my office and read beside me (as he reads)?". She eats that up. She feels our love when we're there. Literally, beside her.

Olivier is my physical touch junkie, just like his dad. This kid doesn't just cuddle or kiss or hug, he does it competitively and full force. His kisses are PG-13 and he's never happier than when he's in a loved one's lap to held in their arms. He was way harder to sleep train than Lily and he's not as great at independent play either. Why? Because he loves our touch something fierce. He is so physically affectionate and we really embrace and encourage that. I love him best when I'm rubbing his back, playing with his hair, letting him sprawl on my lap, or carrying his 23 pound self around (which is getting harder as my 3rd trimester draws nearer!).

I used to think the love languages didn't emerge until much later, but after carefully observing my kids, it's clear they already have their preferences. Knowing their love languages has helped me give them grace (when I don't want to "sit carpet" for the 20th time that day, or I'm sick of rocking/carrying a teething toddler), and helped me value their God-given individuality.

Have you noticed love languages emerging in your young kids?

How has it helped you love them well as they age and grow?

What's your love language? Definitely worth figuring out!

a day in HER life [Sam]

Welcome to a day in my life!

My husband and I are small business owners and we work from home - for us, that means switching on and off in terms of responsibilities. Sometimes I'm at the computer, sometimes he is; sometimes I'm in a meeting, sometimes he is. When we're both needed for the job, we bring in childcare. So far we're still in our learning stages and have some serious growing pains from time to time but the benefit of this lifestyle is that we both get to see our daughter through the day - sometimes one parent gets to spend more time (and sometimes she only sees the back of the other parent's head, as the computer screen brightens the room... oh that part is not awesome) but the greatest thing is that we're both here to watch her develop and grow. And I really would not change that for the world. I love John and I love our babygirl & this is a fun and busy life.

This post made me realize however that what I'm not doing is being intentional about spending time reading the Bible. I pray through the day, and I read on the iPhone, but I don't really take real down time. So that's a goal and I'm really glad I did this post because of it.

So here you are: the non-glamorous life of a stay-at-home-and-also-working-mom.

(And if you're wondering when I get time to blog, welcome to the club.)

Things I'd like to note:

• I work from home. We are blessed with two computers and two workspaces. Praise God for that because it was getting ridiculous with just one!
• My husband makes the world's best cappuccinos, ever. And we get to enjoy them nearly every day!
• Between both of my super-outwardly-expressive parents, whom I adore, The Caterpillar is on speakerphone for a large percentage of the day. They call just to talk to her. 
• We go through quite a lot of dishes. 
• I do my best to involve The Caterpillar in the most amount of chores possible. This often means torn up paper towels strewn across the bathroom floor, or (as you can also see), a shopping cart doubling as a laundry basket. And laundry smattering the ground.
• We try for healthy, well balanced meals. Yogurt often prevails.
• I'm sick this week so New Girl in bed was a yes.
• I'm not sure if any plants on our porch will grow, on account of their being dug up daily.
• We had friends for dinner. Normally dinner isn't so schmancy.
• And breathe it out with a walk.

My life's not glamorous, but it's sweet as heck. We're happy and we're very blessed with a beautiful girl, lots of time together, and a homey home. But if there's one thing blogging fails at, it's showing half the story.

So I hope this post shares the whole story: in our home, things are messy, and they're lovely.

on kid's being "too expensive"

I just read this post and it got me thinking. I agree 100% with Kristen's thoughts on the small expense that babies can be. Having four kids won't break the bank when they're babies/toddlers. If you're wise with money, that is. Because let's be honest, you can break the bank on any stage, at any time, if you want to (or aren't smart). But generally, we haven't noticed that we're all the sudden financially burdened since having two babies, 15 months apart, and another on the way.

But babies are one thing, and kids, adolescents, teenagers, adult children can be quite another. Maybe. Kristen spoke of the at times burdensome cost of college/university and extra-curricular activities. Not to mention other things some parents may want to help their kids out with in the future like a wedding or a down payment on a house.  And Brad and I are indeed saving for our kid's post-secondary education, to help them out with those big costs. But. Did you see the but coming? I still don't buy into the idea that we will need to break the bank so our kids can have a great childhood or life.

We've already decided (and I think it's important to decide these things early because even extra-curricular activities for babies are a thing now and it's expensive and prevalent!) that our kids will each do ONE activity at a time/per season, and that's it. And if the child wants to do an activity we can't afford, they just can't do that activity! Some sports are significantly more expensive than others (think about the comparison of soccer and equestrian), so we'll get out kid's involved in the affordable ones. And we're also planning to stick to "house league" level sports, not the competitive traveling teams, even if our kids are good enough to play on them. Why? The latter is far more expensive, has a ton of hidden costs, and has children away EVERY WEEKEND from their family, their community, and in our case, their church. No thanks.

And though we're saving now for our kid's post-secondary education later, that doesn't mean we feel that financial burden is solely ours. Both Brad and I finished university with a chunk of student debt, and it didn't kill us to pay it off. If anything, it made me more motivated to go to class when I felt lazy, and to be smart with purchases when I was fresh out of school, not making much. Paying for part of my university experience gave me ownership over that education, and it made me ditch some terrible spending habits when it came time to pay off those loans. If my parents paid my way entirely (and they did help, to be sure), I think I would have graduated with a sense of entitlement and not valued money like I do today.

Same with weddings. Our parents helped a bit, but we also paid 1/3 of the expenses. It made us think twice about what we thought we needed for our special day, and what was unnecessary. It motivated me to seek out deals and be crafty and let go of certain materialistic fantasies. In the end, I look back on our wedding and think of was a perfect day, completely beautiful, and very classy. An extra ten grand could have given me more fresh flowers or a champagne toast, but we made due with what we could afford, knowing we were paying for a large portion.

I'm all for parents helping their children, and our parents have helped us financially in many ways over the years (ask me how many times I paid for gas in highschool, and how many long road trips I took with their car!), but I also reject the notion that kids are TOO EXPENSIVE or that if one can't afford to give their child the very best in life, they're not doing their job as parents. On a modest salary, in an expensive city, we want four kids, which means there's no way we'll be able to give our kids everything. But you know what? I don't think we need to.

Thoughts?

a day in HER life [Sarah]

I went back and forth on what "typical" day I wanted to share in this series for Emily's blog. I'm not sure there is really a typical day in my life right now, there was before our four and a half month old daughter (Norah, let's call her N for short) was born in December when our twins (Marlow and Soren, M and S, respectively) were just over two and settled into a pretty normal routine. My husband (I just call this super-dad J on my blog so we'll stick with that) was working full-time and I was at home with the kids. We did morning outings to the beach, picnic lunches, long naps during which I blogged or made creative meals. When the weather turned colder we walked to Science World or road the train to Whole Foods for lunch.



But then December 21, 2012 came, some thought it was the end of the world, but really it was just our littlest little's birthday. Though in many ways it was truly the end of our world, our normal as we knew it. Having twins had taken our lives, put it in a blender and pureed it beyond recognition. I wouldn't say N's arrival had anywhere near the impact in that way, but it has it did take me back to a place where I was drained completely. There were times in the early weeks when the combination of hormones and lack of sleep would find me crying through bedtime stories with the twins because I felt like the time I was giving them was so inadequate. And I missed them. This time was temporary but the stage we are in now is one of recovering from the early weeks, especially for me as a wife, mother and woman.

So instead of sharing about my typical, consistent, stay-at-home-mom life with two, I'm going to go ahead and reveal our life as it is currently. It's most definitely temporary, but I want to share it anyways for two reasons: one, maybe someone else out there is just surviving a season of life and they wonder if they're the only ones with such a strange existence, and two, my pride as a mom took a hit when I needed more help to do "my job". It had taken me so long to get back to a place of thriving and independence after the twins and with a new baby I'm back in that place of needing my husband home more, of simple meals and too many cartoons and not wearing makeup for days. My husband gracious sees that I need to rebuild right now so I can can be healthy in the long-term.

It's humbling.

That was one heck of a backstory, and all that to say, this is what a day generally looks like for me right now, as a mother of two and a half year old boy/girl twins and a four and a half month old baby girl, with my husband on parental leave and working on his MBA from home, living in a 1000 sq ft apartment in downtown Vancouver.

To accurately explain my day, I actually need to start the night before. On a good night I get up to feed N at 2am and 6am (on a bad night she'll also wake around 11 or 12) and if I'm lucky she'll go back to sleep for another hour, but much of the time she chooses to start the day after the 6am feeding.

I turn on our video monitor to see if the twins are up (they've been waking much earlier these days, around 6:30) and usually one of them is sitting up in their bed softly calling to the other in an attempt to wake their playmate. I'll take N and go let out the awake twin so the other can hopefully keep sleeping a bit. We'll go to the kitchen, I'll fill sippy cups of almond milk and settle my them on the couch with their milk and let them choose an episode of Sesame Street or Sid the Science Kid.



I'll change N's diaper and dress her, then settle her under her wooden baby gym with a few toys so she can play on her own for a bit. Soon our other twin will come wandering out of their room, ready for milk and to join their sibling on the couch. By now it's past 7 so I'll wake J and he'll take over getting the twins dressed for the day (they are potty trained during the day but we still do cloth diapers at night).



Then I head back to bed, put in earplugs and catch a nap for a couple hours. For awhile, between the couple weeks he took of when N was born and the beginning of his delayed parental leave, I was up several times a night and not getting even a nap since our twins simultaneously went through a napless phase (the worst timing) and I struggled to keep going. Those weren't good days to say the least, but we survived and now we have some time when I'm able to supplement my night sleep and I'm so thankful.

I'll wake up a couple hours later and either the twins will be playing with their toys while my husband supervises with a sleeping baby in the carrier, or if it's a nice day they may have gone out to a park. If they're home I'll get a cup of coffee and a small bite to eat (I'm into chia seed pudding) and sit on the couch, trying to drink my coffee without spilling on the two toddlers who are excitedly climbing on me and begging me to read books to them. I'll read a couple and then tell them I want to finish my coffee and watch the news. This usually only sends them away temporarily before I need to break up an argument or someone tries to dive off the back of the couch into my lap again.

I help clean up what's left from breakfast and put away laundry, make beds and get dressed for the day. By about 10:30 N is usually awake from her first nap so I'll nurse her, change her and spend some time playing with her. The rest of the morning is a mix of baking or doing art with the twins, keeping cloth diaper laundry going, housework, snack time and possibly errand running. With my husband home right now we tag team on most things, if one needs to go out they'll take a kid or two along while the other holds down the fort at home.



Around 11 am I'll feed N some brown rice cereal and then she goes for a nap in her pack n play in our room. I make munchie lunches for the kids (their preferred way of eating lunch involving little piles of things like crackers and peanut butter, raisins, cucumber, cheese, nuts and fruit) and warm up leftovers or make salads for J and me.

When the baby wakes up around 1pm I'll nurse her again and then if it's a gym day for me (we have a summer schedule so each day is different - personal time for J, for me, family day, house project day, etc.) I'll head out to the YMCA at 1:30pm while J finishes up lunch and puts the twins down for their afternoon nap, then N for hers, usually around 2:30. I do a quick class or 45 minutes on the bike or treadmill and head home. I have never been a workout person, my lack of commitment to the gym has been a running joke as the family I married into is athletic and loves to get physical activity. But three babies in three years and I'm coming to see the value of what it does not only for my body but also for my energy levels and mental health.

When I get home around 3:30pm the kids are all usually asleep. I will do housework or blog or start preparing something for supper. N usually naps 45 minutes at a time so she's up first and I'll feed her, then settle her in her bumbo or swing so she can watch me work in the kitchen. The twins get up about 4pm and watch another episode of their shows while they wake up.



Around 6pm it's supper time but N also takes her last nap of the day so we'll get the twins started and then one of us will put her down in her bed. As soon as she is asleep the four of us can sit down together for supper, after which the twins always seem to get a burst of energy and usually end up chasing each other around while J and I finish eating and clean up.

N wakes up 6:45 or 7pm and I feed her but usually by this time of the day she isn't content to play on her own so we trade off holding her depending on who's needed by the twins during their bedtime routine. Right now they have pretty specific requests as to who does what and it usually looks like this: Dad does baths, mom puts on diapers and pajamas then makes them a bedtime snack, dad helps with teeth brushing and reads to them from their Jesus Storybook Bible. Bedtime isn't complete without a couple songs from mom so I try to be free to pop in at the end and sing to them before lights out at 8:15pm.



Around 8 or 8:15 N is getting sleepy so I'll change her, put on her pajamas, put her into her sleep sack and nurse her in the dark in our bed. When she is very full and sleepy I'll lay her in her bed, give her a blankie to cuddle and her pacifier and close the door on another day of childcare.

If we were on top of our game by now the house is pretty tidy and without too much more work we can sit down to watch a hockey game together or a show. If J has classwork to do or it's one of his nights to go play hockey or soccer I'll do something I've got on the go that I can work on in front of the tv, like a blog post or the blackout curtains I'm sewing for our bedroom.

Around 10 or 11 I'll head to bed, if J is home he will too, if not he'll tip toe in after his game and try not to wake me. If all goes well I'll catch four or five hours of sleep before it's time to feed the baby.

As you can see, despite the constancy of care required with a little baby and amount of energy the twins need from us, I am able to take some time for myself most days. It ebbs and flows, sometimes J needs to be out all day or over bedtime and it's up to be to get it done. But because we've realized the unhealthy place I was in post-baby and have chosen to "put on our oxygen masks first" we are being able to get healthy during the marathon stage. It's not easy to accept help and I often miss my days of kissing J goodbye as he headed out the door and planning a structured day or outings, baking, crafts and housework that I knew I could handle on my own. But allowing myself this time is teaching me so much about where my identity was tied into being able to handle it all.



If you can learn one thing from my weird schedule I hope it's that asking for help and sharing tasks can be the best thing for you and the health of your family longterm. Speak up when you're drowning because those babies need a healthy mom for years to come.

what's better than a sleeping baby?

a sleeping toddler.

So much harder to achieve + capture!

I reminded myself of a newborn mama when I was snapping pics of Oli the other day. I used to do this with my babies all the time, but now they usually wake from their naps before I come in the room, and thus no sleeping toddler pics. 

And usually toddlers wake up a little bit angrier...

Oliboy, you're still my baby. Until September!

A Beautiful Mess photo app

Have you seen this photo app? It's 99 cents and AMAZING. I uploaded it and have been playing around all day. At first I thought everything additional cost more money, but then I scrolled down and saw there are tons of free fonts, pictures, boarders, etc.

 

 

a lot of pots

pssst: don't forget to enter the One Balloon giveaway this week!

Remember that gorgeous weather that hit recently, and we were all getting sun burns and wearing flip flops? Yeah. It left. And I'm ok with that for now - I like spring and it felt like Montreal's 6 month winter turned into summer over night and we missed it. But my plants were not ready for potential frost, so the other day I had to bring them ALL in to protect them from the 0 degree weather that hit. It's warm enough now but I took the opportunity while they were all living indoors to photograph them.

I LOVE my pots. I see them almost as I do my coffee + tea cups - as a collection. I don't want them all to match, I actually aimed for a smorgasbord of different ones and that's just what I ended up with.
They’re from three main places: Dollarama, Home Depot, and the thrift stores (Good Will + Salvation Army) and range in price from $1- $5.

The whole top row is Dollarama. Can I just say how blown away I was by their garden selection this year!? They are selling a ton of gorgeous pots, soil, and tons of things for the garden + patio.  

The second row is a mix: the first two ( L-R) are thrift store finds. The middle one is definitely my favourite, hence it's housing my favourite plant too: spanish lavender!. The last one was a Dollarama terracotta pot that I spray painted poorly, white. It's not my favourite, but it'll do for now.  

The third row is another mix: the glazed turquoise is my second favourite and was the most expensive, from Home Depot. The middle was a Dollarama terracotta pot that I spray painted gold (loooooooooooove gold), and the last one is also Dollarama.

I have two of the white spray painted pots (both have english lavender in them) and two of the gold spray painted pots, and then my herbs are in large terracotta pots that are a dark grey/brown tint. In case you're wondering about my "From Scratch Herbs", I caved! for $0.77 more I bought whole herb plants and ditched my seeds. I wasn't saving any money by doing it from scratch and I wanted herbs NOW. You really need to start the seedlings in the winter to have them ready for spring gardening, so maybe next time. But this year I'm glad to already be enjoying fresh basil and chives on my tomatoe salads :D

Happy gardening!

One Balloon [review + giveaway]

Here's yesterday's giveaway, finally up!

Brad and I are getting ready for our first official child-less vacation (unless you count baby3) and we leave in less than a week. We are SO excited and this trip, just us two, is SO very much needed after a terribly busy month or few months, but I'm also apprehensive about leaving our kids for TWO WHOLE WEEKS. The longest I've been away from my babies so far is four days, and that was hard.... but after the month we've had, I'm really ready for it. We've been away post-children, just us two, before but it's always been for work/the church, aka NOT restful, and actually in some cases more work than being home with my kiddos.

So this is going to be awesome, new, hard, refreshing, and above all, restful. Needless to say, it's been busier around here than usual. Sorry for the delay with this awesome giveaway! To make up for it, I'll draw the winner Friday morning instead of Thursday morning :)

So One Balloon. Sound familiar? It's because it's the sweet company who's garland is proudly hanging in the kid's room. I love One Balloon's unique designs, flexibility (Lynsey can make basically any colour combo for you and is happy to work alongside her clients), and the fact that it's a local company hailing from Toronto, Canada. I love our garland and plan to order a seasonally coloured one for Christmas and maybe Autumn too! With the discount we're all getting, of course ;)

Enter to win a free garland of your choice (it can be custom too!) THIS WEEK and enjoy a whopping 20% off for the next two weeks! Thank's Lynsey! We love your shop and your style.

TO ENTER >>>

1. Like One Balloon on Etsy (leave 1 comment saying so)
2. Follow One Balloon on twitter (leave 2nd comment saying so)
3. Follow Our Nest In The City (leave 3rd comment saying so and where - i.e. Blog Lovin', Feedly, etc)
4. Mention THIS giveaway on either Twitter or Facebook, linking to One Balloon + this post (leave 4th comment saying so).